Monday, April 13, 2015

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Thursday, April 2, 2015

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Late Monday morning, a tough old fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the base hospital’s ICU, with tubes up every orifice, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He then remembered he'd been in a serious flying accident on Friday.
 
Late Monday morning, a tough old fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. 

He found himself in agonizing pain in the base hospital’s ICU, with tubes up every orifice, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He then remembered he'd been in a serious flying accident on Friday.
 
The nurse gave him a serious, deep look straight into the eyes and he heard her slowly say,  “You may not feel anything from the waist down.” 
 
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your boobs, then?
 

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

What's This About Minimum Wage?

For those fast food employees striking for $15 an hour, let's do some math.  At $15 an hour Johnny Fry-Boy working 40 hours per week would make $30,000 annually. 

An E1 (Private) in the military makes $18,378 annually.  An E5 (Sergeant) with 8 years of service only makes $35,067 annually.

So you're telling me, Sally McBurgerflipper, that you deserve as much as those kids getting shot at, deploying for months in hostile environments, and putting their collective asses on the line every day protecting your unskilled butt!? 

Here's the deal Sweetheart Baconator, you are working in a job designed for a kid in high school who is actually supposed to be learning how to work and earning enough for gas, movies, condoms, and hanging out with their equally goofy high school pals.  If you have chosen this as your life long profession, you have failed. 

If you don't want minimum wage, don't have minimum skills.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

How Many Times A Week Do You Have Sex?

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.

This was very shocking news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

The windshield incident...

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a large dildo flew out and hit the windshield. Embarrassed, the mother turned to her young kids and said, "My, what a big insect!

To which her seven year old son replied, "I'm surprised it could fly with a dick that big."

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Don't Send Your Wife To Home Depot

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.

He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.

Mary agreed to go.
 
While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.  When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, “How much is that faucet?
 
The manager replied, “That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00.
 
Mary exclaimed, “My goodness, that's an expensive faucet and certainly out of my price range!”  She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
 
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.  From the storeroom the manager yelled, “Ma'am, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
 
Mary shouted back, “No, but I will for the faucet.
 
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

The Love Dress

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

Friday, March 6, 2015

Who Loves Their Country More?

To me, this comparison photo says it all!  

One has the right background, experience, and love of country for a leader, and the other does not!  I'm almost ashamed of our leader; not only for his past and actions, or rather inactions, and especially for his recent stand "against" Israel.

God help us!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Sugar Test

One day an old man goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon laying them on the counter.  He asks the pharmacist, “Could you taste this for me, please?

Being a senior citizen, the pharmacists went along, taking the spoon with a tiny bit of the liquid, puts it in his mouth swills the liquid around, and with a grimacing look, spits it out in a cup.

Now does that taste sweet to you”, says the old man?
The pharmacists said to the old man, “Hell no!

Oh, that's a relief,” says the old man.  “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Jihadist's Testicles Are An Aphrodisiac - Who Knew?

"If we could convince the Chinese that Jihadist's testicles are an aphrodisiac, in 10 years Jihadists would be extinct ..."

Saturday, February 28, 2015

BLOGGER - Pain In The Ass!

Speaking of pains in the ass, Blogger is shutting down the ol' Silverback!  The say I'm offensive...if passing on jokes is offensive, I apologize!  
Oh well, it's been a good run...so be it!

Blogger can stick this up their asses!

Here is what they've said:

Reply-To: Blogger
Dear Blogger User,

We're writing to tell you about an upcoming change to the Blogger Content Policy that may affect your account.

In the coming weeks, we'll no longer allow blogs that contain sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video. We'll still allow nudity presented in artistic, educational, documentary, or scientific contexts, or where there are other substantial benefits to the public from not taking action on the content.

The new policy will go into effect on the 23rd of March 2015. After this policy goes into effect, Google will restrict access to any blog identified as being in violation of our revised policy. No content will be deleted, but only blog authors and those with whom they have expressly shared the blog will be able to see the content we've made private.

Our records indicate that your account may be affected by this policy change. Please refrain from creating new content that would violate this policy. Also, we ask that you make any necessary changes to your existing blog to comply as soon as possible, so that you won't experience any interruptions in service.


Sounds like censorship to me.  
Where's my "First Amendment Rights"?
Comment below...PLEASE!

Friday, February 27, 2015

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

It Seems Everyone Has A War Story!

Even the ones who weren't there!

Monday, February 23, 2015

Sunday, February 22, 2015

The American Nero!

Our great American Nero -
plays golf while the world begins to burn!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Friday, February 20, 2015

Snotty Receptionist

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.  Of course, I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.

The waiting room was filled with patients. As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that  the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.


In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.

But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, “NO,I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT  DID YOURS.

The room erupted in applause!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Money Does Not Grow On Trees, Mr. President!

Money comes from us hard working 
middle class Americans!

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Direction Of Our Government

When you vote for an incumbent you are perpetuating our government as it is now.  Nothing will change.  Here are 3 short sentences, you may find interesting.

These three, short sentences tell you a lot about the direction of our current government and cultural environment:

1.) We are advised NOT to judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.

Funny how that works. And here's another one worth considering.

2.) Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money.  How come we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money?  What's interesting is the first group "worked for" their money, but the second didn't.
Think about it....

Last but not least:

3.) Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, no pay raises for our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII, but we are not stopping payments to illegal aliens such as monthly payments for each child, money for housing, Food Stamps, free education including college and also the right to vote?

Am I the only one missing something?
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