THE SILVERBACKS

Thursday, December 31, 2009

A YOUNG BOY'S QUESTIONS

"Mom? I've got a question. The guys at school are using words I don't understand."

"What words, dear?"

"Pussy and Bitch."

Mom inhaled sharply, but then said: "Oh, that's easy. A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy."

"Thanks, Mom.."

He then found his Dad out in the garage.

"Dad, the guys at school are using words I don't understand."

"What words, son?"

"Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings."

Dad said: "Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead. Let me explain it like this."

He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic area and said: "Son, everything inside the circle is pussy."

"Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?"

Dad replied: "Everything outside the circle."

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Bumper Stickers Seen on Marine Corps Base

  • "Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, War Has Never Solved Anything”
  • U.S. Marines -- Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club"
  • “Water-boarding is out so kill them all!"
  • "Interrogators can't water board dead guys"
  • U.S. Marines -- Travel Agents To Allah"
  • "Stop Global Whining"
  • "When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine" Naval Corollary; Dead men don't testify.
  • "The Marine Corps -- When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight"
  • "Death Smiles At Everyone -- Marines Smile Back"
  • "Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!"
  • "What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist?...A little Recoil"
  • "Marines -- Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775"
  • "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"
  • "Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon"
  • "It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden -- It's Our Job To Arrange The Meeting"
  • "Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Brawl"
  • "One Shot, Twelve Kills -- US Navy Gun Fire Support"
  • "Do draft dodgers Have Reunions? If So, What Do They Talk About?"
  • "My kid fought in Iraq so your kid can party in college"
  • "Machine Gunners -- Accuracy by Volume"
  • "A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy -- Blessed Be The Peacemakers"
  • "If You Can Read, Thank A Teacher. If You Can Read It In English, Thank A Veteran"
  • "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." - Ronald Reagan
  • "Victory is having a beer in the enemy's O Club." Gen Norman Schwarzkopf

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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

SNOWMAN HUMOR

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Monday, December 28, 2009

IT'S AMAZING HOW LITTLE THE MEDIA KNOWS ABOUT GUNS!

New AR-15 assault rifles for the department $1,500.00 each.

Training time $100.00 per officer.

Picture on front page of the local paper with the female officer standing in full view, not using any cover, and with the magazine in backwards...PRICELESS!

Postscript: I know from experience that putting a mag in backwards is impossible...it will go in a little way, but will not stick there. So, this photo could be doctored...duh!

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Sunday, December 27, 2009

THE SKIDMARK STRIP TEASE

video

Didn't your momma tell you to always wear clean underwear!?

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Saturday, December 26, 2009

WHAT DOES SANTA DO WITH ALL THOSE LETTERS?

My buddy found out...CLICK HERE...to see what he found!Warning...may be a little hard to take!

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SNOWMAN HUMOR

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Friday, December 25, 2009

A SLAMMIN' CHRISTMAS WISH FROM A FATHAIRYBASTARD!


Check out the vid clip HERE!

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WHAT HAPPENS TO OLD BUMPER CARS?

Look what's showing up at California “Cruise-Ins”.

Now you know what to do with that old Bumper Car you bought at the flea market!












































Don't you dare tell me that this doesn't
do something for you in that weird upgrade-the-nostalgic sort of way?

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

THE LAST SHOPPING TRIP

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. He will now be your career!'

The woman felt so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead…Show me what you bought.'

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

100, 000 CLICKS!

Here's the 100,000th click! It was from Phil's Phun - check'em out!

Domain Name verizon.net
IP Address 138.88.200.# (Verizon Internet Services)
ISP Verizon Internet Services
Location
Continent : North America
Country : United States
State : District of Columbia
City : Washington
Lat/Long : 38.9097, -77.0231
Language English (U.S.)
Time of Visit Dec 23 2009 12:31:58 am
Last Page View Dec 23 2009 12:31:58 am
Visit Length 0 seconds
Page Views 1
Visitor's Time Dec 22 2009 11:31:58 pm
Visit Number 100,000

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BREAST WISHES TO YOU THIS CHRISTMAS

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ME TOO...SILVERBACKS JUST WENT OVER 100,000!

I owe it all to you wonderful people who like a good joke every now and then! Thanks!

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

BEND OVER TO SOCIAL REFORM

Just in time for Christmas, President Barack Obama's new "Spread the Wealth" pencil sharpener is coming your way. Every US taxpayer will be mailed one of these with the new 2009 IRS tax forms.

The Government promotion is to help drive home the important point of change! Pass them on to your children to help educate them in how to bend over to socialism. Watch your mail box, yours will be coming SOON!!!

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Monday, December 21, 2009

TAKING FROM THE RICH AND GIVING TO THE POOR

"You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." - Adrian Rogers, 1996

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Sunday, December 20, 2009

IT'S A CASE OF TRUE IDENTITY

I'll show you mine, if you'll show me yours!

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Saturday, December 19, 2009

NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF GAL IT IS...

When you see a woman and want her badly...

Please consider the following:

No matter how beautiful she is...

No matter how sexy she is...

No matter how seductive she is...
No matter how cute and sweet she is ...
No matter how huge her melons are...

Sorry, I forgot what I was going to say!


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Friday, December 18, 2009

TIAGRA - NEW FROM PHIZER DRUGS

WARNING: Do not take if married to a hottie!

May cause depression if caught and
remember always keep your balls on the fairway.

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A SOLDIERS CHRISTMAS POEM

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,

Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times..

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."


LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

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Thursday, December 17, 2009

The secret to long life...


A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady above, sitting on her front step Smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she replied.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

GREAT CHRISTMAS DECORATION PRANK!



"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

WE NEED A 28TH AMENDMENT

It is my understanding that the Congress is exempt from new Healthcare and so is the Prez. How can that be?

How about passing this?!

Amendment 28

Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators or Representatives, and Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States.

When the people fear their government there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. Thomas Jefferson

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Monday, December 14, 2009

OBAMA IS LIKE A GOOD BEER

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE...YOU KNOW IT'S DEER SEASON!

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Saturday, December 12, 2009

BARACK OBAMA LOVES HIM SOME TV TIME

"Barack Obama [has] never seen a TV camera or a teleprompter he didn't lust after. Come to think of it, it's too bad that his administration isn't a TV show. If it were, we could at least hope it would be canceled after one season instead of four." -- columnist Burt Prelutsky

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Friday, December 11, 2009

KNOXVILLE TEEN KILLED IN HOUSE EXPLOSION

A body believed to be Nick Krzeski was found dead at the scene on Wednesday afternoon in a north Knoxville, Tennessee surburb. The house exploded early Wednesday morning.

His parents, Steve and Sue Krzeski, were apparently in an upstairs bedroom when the explosion occurred and threw them into the back yard. Firefighters found them there, amid burning debris.


Rural/Metro firefighters had been searching for one additional person, believed to be in the basement of the house. It has since been revealed that they have found a body, believed to be the Krzeskis' son, dead on the scene.


Steve and Sue Krzeski were transported to UT Medical Center. They were alert and talking when taken to the hospital.


As of 3:30 Wednesday afternoon, Steve Krzeski was in serious condition. Sue Krzeski was listed in stable condition.


Neighbors and friends to the Krzeskis, the Stephensons, went to visit the Krzeskis at the hospital. Brenda Stephenson said Steve Krzeski told her he went to the fireplace because he smelled gas. As a huge explosion occurred, Steve Krzeski said he saw his wife flying past him. He grabbed her, and they both blew out of the house and into the backyard.


More on this story HERE.

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BRA SIZE

My wife just told me her bra size is 42 long!

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SOME ADVICE FOR OBAMA

"I have some advice for President Obama. The tough tactics being deployed against his perceived domestic political enemies should be redeployed overseas. Let me assure you that Russia, China, Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela are a lot more dangerous than Fox News and the health insurance industry." -- columnist Bruce Bialosky

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

UNDERSTANDING POLITICS

"No one will really understand politics until they understand that politicians are not trying to solve our problems. They are trying to solve their own problems -- of which getting elected and re-elected are number one and number two. Whatever is number three is far behind." -- economist Thomas Sowell

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

LIBERALS MISTRUST EXPERIENCE

"A liberal mistrusts lessons bought with experience. For him, theory is all. He's the only man who would sit down on a red-hot stove twice. That makes well-meaning Democrats marks for shysters selling health-care 'reform,' global warming and appeasement of radical Islamists." -- columnist Wesley Pruden

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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

THE COMPANY CHRISTMAS MEMO

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty



Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize
that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table; you didn't
sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous any more. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.



Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of
year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert
buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men; each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts.
Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty



Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the
Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice’em. I've heard them scream.

I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!



Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

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