POST MAY SLOW DOWN CONSIDERABLY FOR A WHILE

I have shingles...
touched by the hand of the devil!

THE BUTT TUCK THAT WENT WRONG!

EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A LITTLE GREEN

What? You think that's wrong?

Hey, if we all don't get concerned there won't be any of us left to massacre!

BTW, this is my buddy Jason Benjamin. Check'em out on Juvenile Minds!

IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO LOOKS WORST THAN YOU!

Tip: The mullet is never in!

TO ALL THOSE FOLKS THAT RUSH TO BE FIRST IN LINE

...back off a little!

PRAYING FOR FORGIVENESS

LAZINESS IN THE WORK PLACE

BEWARE OF DECEITFUL ANIMALS ON THE INTERNET

MY BRAIN NEEDS A SOFTWARE UPDATE TOO!

The Dead Cow and Vet School

First-year students at the UC Davis Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.' For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.'

FUN WITH JEANS!

Denim is such a flexible fabric...goes great with any large ass!

HUNTING - NAKED WOMEN!

WTF! IS SHE COMING OR GOING?

I always thought God put boobs on the wrong side of a woman's body,
but this is just ridiculous!

THE MISSIONARY POSITION IS SO OLD FASHIONED!

DOG EATING A CAT?

What's wrong with a little pussy in your diet?

"CRACK" IS THE SCOURGE OF OUR SOCIETY!

WHY WE DIDN'T LET GRANDPA GO TO MARDI GRAS THIS YEAR!

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Turn up your speakers and just feel good from 4 minutes!

WHAT'S WORSE THAN LOCKING YOUR KEYS IN THE CAR?

DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE IN PUBLIC...OR KROGER!

Does Frosty pick his nose with an ice pick?

HEADIN' FER WAL-MART!

It's the only possible destination if you're riding this hog!

AUNT MILDRED'S GUNSHOT WOUND

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.


Later that night...Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee!

ARE YOU STILL "COOL" AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?

As I approach my 55th high school reunion, I found this test to be most intriguing...

I guess some of us just never CHANGE...!

This test is based on how cool you were in High School. What crowd you ran with, what car you drove, who you dated, etc.

It's pretty accurate.


You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

CLICK HERE FOR THE COOL PERSON TEST!

WELFARE FOR ANIMALS - WHY NOT?

I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare. At first the lady said, Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.

So I explained to her that my Dog is unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My Dog gets his first check Friday! Damn this is a great country!

REMEMBERING MONICA!

One perk escapes Obama!

GOT COMPUTER PROBLEMS?

Is your mouse jammed?

REASON BEHIND THE HEALTH BILL

Think about it!

HOW BABY RUTH WAS BORN...

WHEN TALKING TO THE ANIMALS...

Treat'em like adults!