MY VOTE FOR MAILBOX OF THE YEAR

THE IRISH BROTHEL

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road. 

 
The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

 
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.

 
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are!"

 
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.

 
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"

 
They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

 
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died."

HOW TO ASK FOR A DATE

How sweet. Watch the tenderness in his eyes and the gentle way he puts his hand on hers. 

There is a lesson in this for all you guys out there: how to do it right !

AN EARLY MORNING TRAFFIC STOP

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

WHAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM IN AMERICA?

ATTACK OF THE PUSSY!

I HEART YOU OKAY?!

I GOT THIS!

HER CIRCUIT BREAKERS HAVE POPPED!

EVER BEEN IN CAHOOTS?

I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. 

I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. 

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport. You have to be driven there. I've made several trips!!!

MORE DOG HUMOR!

A REASON TO TRADE THAT MOTORCYCLE FOR A VAN!

MORE GREAT T-SHIRTS!

WE NEED A NEW PRESIDENT...

...One that not only has the balls, 

but the equipment with which to put them to work!

ESKIMO BAPTISM

31 top things that you will never hear a Southern boy say:

31. When I retire, I'm movin' North.

30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a rat's ass who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Becky Mae.....darlin'


AND THE NUMBER ONE THANG THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:


1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!

AH, GOOD BEER!

Talking Ben knows a good beer when he burps it!

Obama's Magical "Misery" Tour Bus

And We’re Off: Obama Boards The Magical "Misery" Tour Bus — Update: Secret Service Buys Two New $1.1 Million Buses For Three-Day Trip…

US President Barrack Obama walks to his bus as he arrives in Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, Minnesota, August 15, 2011, where he is to begin his three-day bus tour in the Midwest centering on ways to grow the economy. (PHOTO/Jim WATSON)

This 3-day bus tour is being touted as The Magical Mystery Tour, or The "STIMUBUS"...bought and paid for by the American taxpayer. (Of course, the buses were bought in Canada!.)

He FLIES into an airport somewhere in the Midwest, hops into a brand-new $1.1 Million bus, paid for by you and I, for a “bus tour” ‘around the Midwest’, and after an hour or so, gets driven back to the airport for ANOTHER FLIGHT, lands at another airport where another $1.1 Million, brand-new black bus is waiting for him… and repeats all that until his Midwest bus’ tour’ is done?? Oh yes...and THEN he leaves on a 12 day vacation to Martha's Vineyard...to REST UP from this campaign bus tour!

And don't forget...those brand new shiny black buses aren’t DRIVEN to the location where they meet Obama. Those buses are loaded up on one or more C-17s. Then, they are flown to the destination ahead of Air Force One. AND!...this is REPEATED FOR EVERY CAMPAIGN STOP.

On this 'bus tour', the Prez will lecture the 'little people' on how they need to live within their means and cut-back! Remember when recently Obama told that family man to GO BUY A HYBRID VAN when he said he couldn’t afford to fill up his truck?

Obama's 'carbon footprint' must be as large as most cities by now.

All of this on the taxpayer's dime...Unbelievable!!

DEMOCRACY WILL FAIL!

In 1887 Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years prior:

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse over loose fiscal policy, (which is) always followed by a dictatorship.

The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, these nations always progressed through the following sequence:

From bondage to spiritual faith;
From spiritual faith to great courage;
From courage to liberty;
From liberty to abundance;
From abundance to complacency;
From complacency to apathy;
From apathy to dependence;
From dependence back into bondage."

Simply put, once you start thinking like a Democrat, your country is doomed!

ANOTHER GREAT BEER COMMERCIAL

DOG AND HORSE PLAY!

MORE GREATEST T-SHIRTS

A JEWISH DIVORCE

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Joe !" All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel!"

Her mother says, "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8-bedroom mansion, you drive a $250,000 Ferrari, you get $2,000 a week allowance, you take 6 exotic vacations a year and you want to throw all that away. . .over 45 cents?!"

WHAT GENERATION ARE YOU?

-The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.

-The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and 1959.

-Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1979.

- Generation Y Are people born between 1980 and 1995.

Why do we call the last one generation Y?

 

I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...I learned something new today!

IS IT SAFE IN LAREDO, TX?!

This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for Laredo. 

Jim was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jim asked.

"I've been transferred to Laredo, there are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."

Jim replied, "I've lived in Laredo all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world." 

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck." 

MAKING LOVE TO A FIREMAN!

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,

BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,

BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
 

The next night he came home from work and yelled ' BELL 1!'

The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'

'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?

'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied ' YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

"FARTING DOG" DRIVES "TALKING TOM" CRAZY!

Just a little farting humor for your entertainment!

MORE GREAT T-SHIRTS!

...and no, big tits aren't a crime at all!

A BAD BEDTIME STORY

WHY YOU NEVER SEE DEAD PENGUINS IN ANTARCTICA

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

 

Wonder no more!

 

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. 

 

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

 

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow,"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow..."

 

Then they kick him in the ice hole!

 

 

 

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

 

It's so easy to fool OLD people. I am sorry, the devil made me do it! I fell for it too.