A DESIGNATED DRIVER IS ALWAYS BEST

WHEN NATURE FIGHTS BACK!

Wha'cha get?  

A fat-bellied stogie-sucker...them's good eatin'!

Those Extra Years Of Life

It's All In A Name

TRUTH ABOUT UNDERWEAR

Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own. 

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

IF SANTA DIDN'T VISIT YOU THIS YEAR...

 This may be the reason!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

When Frosty Sleeps

Alternative Fuel For Santa

When I Was Your Age!

I Don't Know 'Bout You, But I Think This Is Cheatin'!

The Truth About Beauty

Leave My Guns Alone!

DEFINITION OF ACCELERATION

One top fuel dragster 500 cubic inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower than the first 4 rows of stock cars at the Daytona 500.

It takes just 15/100ths (0.15) of a second for all 6,000+ horsepower (some believe 8,000 HP is more realistic - there are no dynomometers capable of measuring) of an NHRA Top Fuel dragster engine to reach the rear wheels.

Under full throttle, a dragster engine consumes 1-1/2 gallons of nitromethane per second; a fully loaded 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate with 25% less energy being produced.

A stock Dodge Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to drive the dragster's supercharger.

With 3,000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition.

Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock at full throttle.

At the stoichiometric (stoichiometry: methodology and technology by which quantities of reactants and products in chemical reactions are determined) 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture of nitromethane, the flame front temperature measures 7,050 deg F. (Oxy-acetylene on "cut" is 6,300)

Nitro methane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.

Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder.

Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during one pass. After halfway, the engine is dieseling from compression, plus the glow of exhaust valves at 1,400 deg F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow.

If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with sufficient force to blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half.

In order to exceed 300 mph in 4.5 seconds, dragsters must accelerate an average of over 4G's. In order to reach 200 mph well before half-track, the launch acceleration approaches 8G's.

Dragsters reach over 300 miles per hour before you have completed reading this sentence.

The redline is actually quite high at 9,500 rpm.

Assuming all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs an estimate $1,000.00 per second.

The current top fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.428 seconds for the quarter mile (11/12/06, Tony Schumacher, at Pomona , CA ). The top speed record is 336.15 mph as measured over the last 66' of the run (05/25/05 Tony Schumacher, at Hebron , OH ).

Putting all of this into perspective:

You are driving the average $140,000 Lingenfelter 'twin-turbo' powered Corvette Z06. Over a mile up the road, a top fuel dragster is staged and ready to launch down a quarter mile strip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run the 'Vette hard up through the gears and blast across the starting line and pass the dragster at an honest 200 mph. The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that instant.

The dragster launches and starts after you. You keep your foot down hard, but you hear an incredibly brutal whine that sears your eardrums and within 3 seconds, the dragster catches and passes you. He beats you to the finish line, a quarter mile away from where you just passed him.

Think about it, from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200 mph and not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the road when he passed you within a mere 1,320 foot long race course.

... and that my friend, is ACCELERATION!

CAR SEX

I came upon this car parked down by the river last week, and I couldn't believe what was going on!  Can you see what I mean in either of the first two photos?

How about now!?

TALKING MUSLIM DOLL FOR CHRISTMAS?

The latest toy has hit the shops...a talking Muslim doll. 

Nobody knows what the hell it says because no one has the guts to pull the cord.

GET GENEALOGY TRACE DONE CHEAPLY!

Dear Abby,

I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it.  Any Suggestions?

Sam in California.

Dear Sam,
Register as a Republican and run for public office.

BEER COMMERICAL GONE WRONG!

Barack...you ain't no Abe Lincoln!

So I said to him, "Barack, I know Abe Lincoln,

And you ain't no Abe Lincoln."

 

OBAMA, A DEMOCRAT, IS FOND OF QUOTING ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

SO, WHY DOESN'T HE USE THIS FAMOUS LINCOLN QUOTE??

“You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking

away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them,

what they could and should do for themselves.”

- A. Lincoln

CONGRESS IS KIDNAPPED!

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC . Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom, otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car-to-car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

MY CHRISTMAS RUM CAKE RECIPE

I thought this would motivate everyone to start on their Christmas baking sooner than later! Enjoy! 

Once again this year, I've had requests for my Christmas Rum Cake recipe so here goes:

(Please keep in your files for use in years to come!)

• 1 cup Sugar
• 1 tsp. Baking Powder
• 1 cup Water
• 1 tsp. Salt
• 1 cup Brown Sugar and Lemon Juice
• 4 Large Eggs
• Nuts (the kind you like)
• 1 Bottle Rum (Sample the Rum to check quality.)
• 2 cups Dried Fruit

Take a large bowl; check the Rum again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Repeat. 

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. 

At this point, it is best to make sure the Rum is still OK. Try another cup just in case. 

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. 

Sample the Rum to test for tonsisticity. 

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Rum.

Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Rum and wipe the counter with the cat. 

Cherry Mristmas

Is Christmas A Dirty Word Anymore?

GIVE BARACK ONE MORE CHANCE TO RUIN YOUR LIFE

Would You Like A Screw...Driver?!

It's A Strange World!

Kids vs. Grand-kids!

Differnce Between Good Guys and Bad Guys!

We Ain't From Kenya!

Beware Of Those Little Pricks!